Confession is Supposed to Help Me????

I spent the weekend with a dear friend who I knew before I went to Israel. She keeps a kosher Jewish home and it is always a special treat for me to get to spend Friday night at her place because it restores my soul in ways that are Kabalistic and would take me a very long time to explain. I can say that the next six days go well for me. I showed up one hour before candlelighting, put my bags in the house, and then it was Shabbat. For Friday night dinner, she served me a home-cooked meal in (more…)

My 2nd Psychological Assessment (aka: I Hate People).

Warning: Today’s post is a rant. I am so irritable. Every person I have to speak with (cashiers, servers, neighbors) seems incompetent and I want to smack them hard (open hand) across the cheek like the hero does in an old-fashioned Hollywood movie. Whack! This is not normal for me and has been going on for about a month, I think. I usually love people and people-watching. I have met some of my favorite people because I start conversations with random strangers at the bus stop. People are great, right? Well, I just want to effing scratch everybody I meet right (more…)

CoDA Update. (Codependents Anonymous)

At the suggestion of friends who love me, I attempted to drag my sorry butt to a CoDA meeting. Codependents Anonymous is a 12-step program. Attempt #1: tropical rain storm. I was afraid to drive. #2: Dad brought home pizza. I chose pizza over CoDA. #3: another tropical storm #4: I don’t even remember why I didn’t make it. At this point, I went to and ordered a book that another blogger had recommended. Attempt #5: I drove to the meeting thru a light rainstorm, and it was cancelled! The reason I doubt the efficacy of CoDA – without even (more…)

You Know You’re In Trouble When…

Driftwood and I went to marriage counselling for a long time, twice a month for a year and a half. Early on, he declared that our counselor was a fraud and “on my side” because she was a woman. I offered to change counselors, but he just wanted to complain, so we continued to see the female counselor. It was pitiful. She would give us ridiculously simple homework assignments and he wouldn’t do them. For example, she told us that we needed to spend more time together. Hear me again. We paid a professional therapist our precious money to write us (more…)

My version of “Letting Go” worksheet.

I posted the poem separately so it would be a clean page to re-blog. I was given this hand-out during a support group for families of people who have been hospitalized with severe mental illnesses. It is very difficult to watch someone you love self-destruct by making poor choices, unhealthy choices. This was (and still is) a huge frustration of mine when dealing with my narcissist ex-boyfriend, David. I couldn’t stand it that he made the same mistakes over and over again. I reminded him that Albert Einstein zl said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, (more…)

Poem: Letting Go. (Author Unknown)

Letting go does not mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else. Letting go is not to cut myself off; it’s the realization I can’t control another. Letting go is not to enable; but to allow learning from natural consequences. Letting go is to admit powerlessness; which means the outcome is not in my hands. Letting go is not to try to change or blame another; it’s to make the most of myself. Letting go is not to care for; but to care about. Letting go is not to fix; but to be supportive. Letting go (more…)

This Blog is for Healing.

There is a well-known blog for survivors of narcissistic relationships (has 10,000+ followers) whose example I do not want to follow. I do enjoy visiting the blog, but it seems to me that for more than 3 years running, the author has been posting angry messages about her rage and pain. If I am still enraged and writing about my pain in even 2 years, I will consider myself a failure. (May these words never return to bite me in the ass.) The thing is, I want to heal via my blog. I want to honestly expose my pain and my (more…)