Recovery: Going to the Gyno.

I was very brave today and went to the gynecologist. Most women hate the gynecologist. Some stranger puts their forearm into your vagina and pinches very sensitive skin. It’s awful, but necessary. As for me, I have had abnormal pap smears all of my adult life and one time I even needed a biopsy. I can’t afford to pretend the gyno will just go away. Still, trying to figure out a new insurance plan and then choosing a stranger at random from a pre-approved list of PPO doctors… It’s such a foul system. I mean, anything can happen! One person gets excellent healthcare and the (more…)

Trying to make an appointment with a mental health professional.

This USA ObamaCare Affordable Care Act stuff is complicated. Did you know that if I did not have medical insurance thru my employer, then I would get fined 700 dollars? I would get fined, not my employer! Many, many employers were given amnesty by the government. They do not have to affect profits by giving medical coverage to their workers, but the workers still get fined if we don’t have coverage. -And so evil increases in the world. Starting January 1st, 2016, I did get coverage thru my employer (Evil Corporation). I pay $90 a month for high-deductible insurance. After I (more…)

I had an Epiphany about the Narcissist.

I’ve been working on creating an audiobook about the Jewish daily prayers. I was doing a segment explaining what a brit is (a covenant) and I had an epiphany about the narcissist. Basically, I was explaining how I loved the narcissist unconditionally. I compared my love for David to the way God feels about us, which is to say that no matter what I do, God will never abandon me. He is right by my side, even when I behave like a rotten stinker. In a thunderclap moment, I realized that something was wrong with what I was saying. I stopped to (more…)

Manipulative Love Letters.

This image has no author info, but I just love it! These happen to be from an alcoholic drug addict, but narcissists and abusers use the same tactics. For example, he projects that I will think he is out with another woman because he was actually out with another woman! However, I had no clue and I wasn’t worried because I trusted him. Next, I got dressed up for a party that we went to together and he got jealous! He tried to make me feel bad for looking too pretty. Manipulative. In the next letter, I am so stupid that (more…)

Some Examples of Narcissistic Abuse Taken From My Life.

  meme from theadventurouswriter.com I feel like I still have a lot of old wounds to let go of. I hope that writing some of them down will help me to release the emotional distress from each incident and I hope that my experiences will help other people to talk about their incidents of abuse. Please share your examples in the comment section or link to a listing on your blog. Emotional Abuse: • My NPD husband used to scold me that I couldn’t balance a checkbook. He treated me like a little child. In reality, I graduated summa cum laude (more…)

How Important Is A Loving Home To Recovery From Trauma?

Since I moved in with my brother 22 days ago, I have begun to return to the best version of myself. This is happening for one reason and that is because he loves me. (As an extra, he doesn’t criticize me either.) In this loving environment, I immediately started to blossom and flourish. The best version of myself is the Rivka who is always working on a creative project… or two or three. Formerly, when I was under the guidance of my husband, Driftwood (or the evil influence of a narcissist), I would start a project like tiling the kitchen backsplash; (more…)

Poem: A Cat Has 9 Lives.

  A Cat Has 9 Lives.   First I was my mother’s daughter Then I was my own woman Then I was my husband’s wife Then I was a divorcee Then I was a career woman Then I was a daughter of Israel Finding God; feeling, hearing, and knowing Love. . →{insert bad man} For a moment, i was lost . But today I stand tall on a path Facing a red/yellow sunRISE and rolling green hills Don’t look back, daughter, the best is yet ahead   ©18mitzvot, 24Apr2015.   (P.S. In my head, I have this storyboarded to be a (more…)