Recovery: Going to the Gyno.

I was very brave today and went to the gynecologist. Most women hate the gynecologist. Some stranger puts their forearm into your vagina and pinches very sensitive skin. It’s awful, but necessary. As for me, I have had abnormal pap smears all of my adult life and one time I even needed a biopsy. I can’t afford to pretend the gyno will just go away. Still, trying to figure out a new insurance plan and then choosing a stranger at random from a pre-approved list of PPO doctors… It’s such a foul system. I mean, anything can happen! One person gets excellent healthcare and the (more…)

Writer’s Block.

I’ve been having trouble writing lately because I believe that Recovery is boring. Who wants to read about somebody who got dressed in the morning, made it to work on time, sold refrigerators, finished her shift, picked up fried chicken from a drive-thru restaurant, ate it in from of the television, and then went to bed? It’s boring, right? Now stories about the narcissist, those are exciting! Both exciting to read and exciting to write. I can’t believe the crazy shit they do! But, unfortunately, their cruelties are real. Stories about narcissists get the blood flowing. Then there’s Recovery. The thing is, (more…)

A New Job.

In two days, I work my final shift at the clothing store. My lovely, responsibility-free, part-time job is over – and it’s time. I took that job because I had a nervous breakdown after the narcissist discarded me. I needed work that required nothing of me (a job that is frequently given to autistic adults) yet would give me some spending money. I found that combination at the clothing store. I would go in, hang up some clothes, pick up random merchandise that got scattered around the store, and put things back where they belonged. A place for everything and everything in (more…)

Shout-Out to: The Narcissist’s Wife.

The Narcissist’s Wife writes: You can’t be anything but sick, when you fill your heart and home with something toxic. FOLK ART DAY OF THE DEAD HAPPY SKULLS NEEDLEPOINT CANVAS by ARTIST PRISTINE CARTERA TURKUS. Available for purchase at Please share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)Click to (more…)

Anti-Depressant Fail: Effexor 75mg (Venlafaxine)

About two months ago, I had a severe episode of depression that was so unlike any I ever had before, that it frightened me. I got completely freaked out. It made me wonder if maybe my mind had two separate parts because it seemed to me that my mind was acting independently of my rational self. My daydreams were so vivid that I was practically hallucinating (but not). Like I said, I got really freaked out and made a determination to see a doctor and demand anti-depressant medication. The thing is, it wasn’t a depressive episode; it was a grief episode. (more…)

Remembering the Narcissist and the Mania. Today I unpacked a box from Israel and found one of my homemade, inspirational posters that was dated “20 June 2013”. I can’t upload a photograph of the poster because it has David’s real name on it, inside a pink and purple heart, of course; but the poster says this: What would I be able to accomplish if David were arriving today? You see, after the narcissist David left me (discarded me), I believed he was coming back soon. He kept telling me that he could not and would not be coming back ever; but I refused to listen. I (more…)

Signs & Symptoms of Anxiety Disorders. – By U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.

  [ File # csp10663613, License # 1918991 ] Licensed through in accordance with the End User License Agreement ( (c) Can Stock Photo Inc. / kbuntuSource: What are the signs of anxiety disorders? A wide variety of symptoms may be signs of an anxiety disorder, some of which may be physical symptoms: Trembling, twitching, or shaking Feeling a fullness in the throat or chest Having difficulty catching your breath Feeling like your heart is pounding Feeling dizzy or lightheaded Sweating or cold, clammy hands Feeling jumpy Having aches, tense muscles, or soreness Feeling extremely tired Having trouble falling (more…)