Is it Fun or is it Self-Destructive?

Today was payday. (Yeah!!!) Last payday, I gave $800 to my doctors, split 3 ways, so by the end of week one, I didn’t even have lunch money! That was oppressive. It is not a good feeling when the cash runs out. Right? I started feeling trapped on the hamster wheel and that maybe my daily job was pointless. I almost quit. But today was payday (: I went to the mall and spent an allowance on crap I didn’t need, like every other money-hungry, materialistic American. I bought a paper-thin t-shirt for 20 bucks, a StarWars lunchbox, skull earrings, and (more…)

It feels good to have a paycheck!

I don’t even know how much I got paid today, simply because I haven’t looked. Yet, I knew I had enough to go grocery shopping – and that feels awesome (: I joined the warehouse club where everything comes in 20-packs and I am slowly buying the items that everyone needs to run a household: toilet paper, kitty litter, microwave popcorn, coffee beans, etc. It’s not like shopping in Israel shuk but it still feels good to be independent. Shopping for Shabbes. Three liters of wine (: I have been joking about it with my coworkers all week, but I never in a (more…)

Reasons My Anxiety Has Been Through the Roof Lately.

‘Wait…Where was I going again? Oh. That’s right.’ #1. Book B: working title “Love Letters from an Alcoholic Addict”. ©2015 by Poorkitteh. My alcoholic/addict boyfriend-soulmate-Truelove from 1987-1989, he died – from a lifetime of drug abuse. I had saved every one of his love letters to me. If he left me a note about fixing the air conditioner, I saved it. If he left me a suicide note, more like a hundred suicide notes, I saved them. If he invited me on dates, if he thanked me for a date, I saved them. I saved them all for 28 years. This (more…)

Some Examples of Narcissistic Abuse Taken From My Life.

  meme from theadventurouswriter.com I feel like I still have a lot of old wounds to let go of. I hope that writing some of them down will help me to release the emotional distress from each incident and I hope that my experiences will help other people to talk about their incidents of abuse. Please share your examples in the comment section or link to a listing on your blog. Emotional Abuse: • My NPD husband used to scold me that I couldn’t balance a checkbook. He treated me like a little child. In reality, I graduated summa cum laude (more…)

Gehinom.

We had a customer service fiasco at the clothing store yesterday, and I realized that my job is tenuous: one severe customer complaint and I could be unemployed. The incident put Yirat Shemayim in my face. I admitted that I hate being poor. I am poor because I’m not working a full-time job anymore, nor am I working in my high-paying career field. I am not working full-time because I had a nervous breakdown recently (17 months ago). I had a nervous breakdown because of the narcissist and the yerida (leaving Israel). Therefore, I could say that I’m poor today because (more…)

Poor Narcissists Feel Abused, Too.

Remember how I wrote that my NPD husband had gone thru each and every one of my storage boxes? And how he needed to fondle each item and then repack the boxes? (Creepy, yes, I know…) Well, he also left notes on some things. For example: Note from my NPD husband. This is a joke poem that my boss gave to me in college, c.1987. My NPD spouse found it, placed it in this golden frame, and left a note on it. I thought the poem was really funny because it exposes how completely unreasonable women can be to their mates. (more…)

Narcisstic Weirdness.

I arrived safely in Aurora, Illinois; found the local Jewish community; and started writing my first blog posts… when my laptop crashed. Boo hiss! My beloved computer is less than one year old and still under warranty. I actually bought her here in Aurora, so I took her back to the TigerDirect shop to be repaired and they are going out of business. Oh no! Now I am back to posting from my cellphone until I can sort this out. I feel limited, held back, and I hate that. On the plus side, there is a WordPress meet-up group in the (more…)