Recovery Update 01 Nov 2016.

I started seeing a therapist, a CP – Clinical Psychologist. I tried very hard to navigate the US health care/insurance industry to choose a {helper} who could assess my depression and write me PRESCRIPTIONS for medicine… but I failed. It turns out PC’s cannot write scripts in Illinois; so we just talk. It’s a start. I spent the last session talking about my brother’s cocaine use and drug addiction. I whined about how (wait, here it comes – Why me?) why can’t I live in a house with no drugs in it? Is that an unreasonable request? To have a drug-free (more…)

Recovery: Going to the Gyno.

I was very brave today and went to the gynecologist. Most women hate the gynecologist. Some stranger puts their forearm into your vagina and pinches very sensitive skin. It’s awful, but necessary. As for me, I have had abnormal pap smears all of my adult life and one time I even needed a biopsy. I can’t afford to pretend the gyno will just go away. Still, trying to figure out a new insurance plan and then choosing a stranger at random from a pre-approved list of PPO doctors… It’s such a foul system. I mean, anything can happen! One person gets excellent healthcare and the (more…)

Recovery: Clinging to Tension.

I watched another sappy movie this morning, a new one this time, the black African-American version of “Annie”. It was really good. It had me with tears streaming down my face – and that’s what I needed. I tend to hold tension in my body. I literally cleave it to my cells. Physically, it is most obvious when I get my menstrual cycle. I can feel the changes in my body and know that it is time to release, but I wait for it… and it doesn’t happen. I often make myself as late as 10 days. Then I need to (more…)

Better Self-Care.

I did something important today towards BETTER SELF-CARE. I went to Quest Diagnostics and did a blood test. My doctor wanted a CBC, of course, but also thyroid, fasting lipids, vitamins B & D, and hepatic function. She has made no secret that she is disgusted with my weight obesity, currently 226 pounds. (I decided to give her one more shot to speak nicely to me or I am going to switch doctors. Of course, I have to say something to her first. Again, I got angry when someone overstepped my boundaries, but I didn’t say anything. But I will. When (more…)

Writer’s Block.

I’ve been having trouble writing lately because I believe that Recovery is boring. Who wants to read about somebody who got dressed in the morning, made it to work on time, sold refrigerators, finished her shift, picked up fried chicken from a drive-thru restaurant, ate it in from of the television, and then went to bed? It’s boring, right? Now stories about the narcissist, those are exciting! Both exciting to read and exciting to write. I can’t believe the crazy shit they do! But, unfortunately, their cruelties are real. Stories about narcissists get the blood flowing. Then there’s Recovery. The thing is, (more…)

Recovery Takes a Detour.

Exactly 4 weeks ago, I quote <<upgraded>> from a part-time job in retail, where my primary responsibilities were a) hanging up clothes and b) cashiering to a full-time <<career opportunity>> as the Lead Sales Manager at a scratch-and-dent appliance store (i.e. refrigerators, built-in dishwashers, washers and dryers, freezers, ovens, etcetera) From my point of view, I was on my way… Recovery from my nervous breakdown (I think it’s fair to call it that.), recovery from an unsuccessful but highly aggressive suicide attempt, recovery from the setback of dating and loving a narcissist – all that recovery was on its’ way, moving forward (more…)

Shout-Out to: The Narcissist’s Wife.

The Narcissist’s Wife writes: You can’t be anything but sick, when you fill your heart and home with something toxic. http://thenarcissistswife.com/2015/08/18/wait-am-i-the-narcissist FOLK ART DAY OF THE DEAD HAPPY SKULLS NEEDLEPOINT CANVAS by ARTIST PRISTINE CARTERA TURKUS. Available for purchase at www.kathysneedleworks.com Please share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)Click to (more…)