Some Days Are Golden.

photo from financesonline.com via Google. These days, I don’t use an alarm clock. I wake naturally between 8 and 830am and I feel rested. Yes, it is luxurious. I had 2 days off work. I woke, made coffee, and I davened (prayed) Israeli-style: out-loud and singing my prayers to a tune that my soul spontaneously invented. Also luxurious. Next I wrote a post that made me feel awesome, like I was a giant in the publishing industry and my superheroine cape was flying in the wind behind me. Then my best friend and I had an argument by email about something (more…)

How Important Is A Loving Home To Recovery From Trauma?

Since I moved in with my brother 22 days ago, I have begun to return to the best version of myself. This is happening for one reason and that is because he loves me. (As an extra, he doesn’t criticize me either.) In this loving environment, I immediately started to blossom and flourish. The best version of myself is the Rivka who is always working on a creative project… or two or three. Formerly, when I was under the guidance of my husband, Driftwood (or the evil influence of a narcissist), I would start a project like tiling the kitchen backsplash; (more…)

Journal entry. 25 Feb 2015. Anxiety.

I worked myself into a frenzy over this afternoon’s blog post about my mom. My neck was hurting me from tension and I worried that it might spasm, so I took one-half of a muscle relaxer. I didn’t take more because I was about to start my work shift and I worried that I might feel drowsy. I showed up for work and immediately began to feel nauseous and to see halos. A migraine was coming. Shit. I didn’t have any migraine medicine with me. I told myself that if I calmed down, maybe the muscle relaxer would kick in and (more…)

Working Definition of “Empath”.

  From biologycorner.com I have been trying to hash out a definition of “Empath” that serves this blog and its’ readership of people who unfortunately got involved with a narcissist or two or twenty. It seems to me that the difference between an empath and any average person is: Skill. Effort. Willingness to submit to the gift. Here is an example of how being an empath works in everyday life, my life: I was in the store where I work and I saw a woman approaching. She had her young daughter in a shopping cart. I am going to guess that (more…)

I’ve been wrong again.

#1. I was angry with my mother because she asked the Universe for a certain farmhouse, but when it immediately showed up, she refused it! I was really irritated because it was obvious to me that she was rejecting the very thing she had prayed for. I hate it when people do that. Well, it turns out I was wrong. Again. The next house was even better and has a gorgeous in-ground swimming pool. If I end up staying with them past October 1st, they offered me a lovely bedroom with a very large closet. #2. I have written at least (more…)

Self-Esteem Exercises.

Source: Attitudes & Attire, Dallas, Texas, USA. www.attitudesandattire.org Self-esteem is the internal experience of one’s own worthiness and value as a person. It comes from inside a person and moves outward into relationships. People with positive self-esteem know they are valuable and worthy even when they make a mistake, are confronted by an angry person, are cheated or lied to, or are rejected by a lover, friend, parent, child, or boss. Self-esteem vs. Other-esteem. Other-esteem is fragile and undependable because it relies upon outside factors beyond your control rather than inside factors like self-esteem. Other-esteem can be based on: how you (more…)

Forcing the Narcissist To Be Healthy.

I have been writing about how I struggled, kicking and screaming, to force my narcissist to get healthy. I knew he could do it. I had complete confidence in him. Never did a woman have so much faith in her man. David was a giant to me, a real hero. I knew he was special and I believed in him. He could fight this narcissism (and PTSD) that kept him separate from the rest of humanity. He was so isolated, and it hurt him. My David told me he was a warrior and I believed him. I didn’t have a clue (more…)