Recovery: Going to the Gyno.

I was very brave today and went to the gynecologist. Most women hate the gynecologist. Some stranger puts their forearm into your vagina and pinches very sensitive skin. It’s awful, but necessary. As for me, I have had abnormal pap smears all of my adult life and one time I even needed a biopsy. I can’t afford to pretend the gyno will just go away. Still, trying to figure out a new insurance plan and then choosing a stranger at random from a pre-approved list of PPO doctors… It’s such a foul system. I mean, anything can happen! One person gets excellent healthcare and the (more…)

Recovery Takes a Detour.

Exactly 4 weeks ago, I quote <<upgraded>> from a part-time job in retail, where my primary responsibilities were a) hanging up clothes and b) cashiering to a full-time <<career opportunity>> as the Lead Sales Manager at a scratch-and-dent appliance store (i.e. refrigerators, built-in dishwashers, washers and dryers, freezers, ovens, etcetera) From my point of view, I was on my way… Recovery from my nervous breakdown (I think it’s fair to call it that.), recovery from an unsuccessful but highly aggressive suicide attempt, recovery from the setback of dating and loving a narcissist – all that recovery was on its’ way, moving forward (more…)

I’m still having dreams about Homelessness. #3

This time, the dream lasted for several hours in real time. Again the villain was my step-father, with my mother by his side; although they never appeared in the dream. He was kicking me out of the house again and I had to sort my belongings into stuff that I could maybe save and stuff I had to abandon. This dream was all about my belongings. For hours and hours, I was sorting my possessions, revisiting old memories and my younger self, thinking about the places I had been and how I felt about things in my past. It was emotionally (more…)

Today’s Random Current News Reports About Abusing Women in 2015.

1. 46-year old Soviet (Chechen) government official takes 17-year old girl as his second wife under Sharia law, reportedly by threatening her entire village. http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/chechen-wedding-scandal-leaders-defiance-put-putin-in-bind/ar-BBjWzj8?ocid=AARDHP Kheda Goilabiyeva is taken by a chief government official to a wedding registry office for her wedding. A 46-year-old Chechen police officer taking a 17-year-old as his second wife in flagrant violation of Russian laws has caused a storm in the Russian media. 2. The Cannes Film Festival in the south of France turned away women because they were not wearing high heels. The women were told to go buy appropriate footwear and then they would (more…)

Reblog: A Consuming Hatred.

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StarGirl Fantasy Lover.

I’m not one to play video games, mostly because I cannot handle the coordination requirements of left hand does this and right hand does something completely different. A-B-jump-jump-strike is out of my league. I can’t do it. But I did get into this fashion/romance video game in 2013. The game is called “StarGirl” and I played it on my Toshiba Thrive tablet. The object of the game is to complete jobs as an actress, model or singer; collect the money; and then buy extremely slutty outfits. These clothes are NOT for children, and yet, the game is probably for girls ages (more…)

Food: A Child Abuse Story.

I’ve been planning for three months to write this post, but remembering the incidents is a trigger for me. It usually causes me to get overly anxious and then I take a Xanax; but I haven’t eaten any Xanax in about 40 days, so I don’t want to need one now. I could simply avoid the subject… but I think that if I get it down on paper, I will be able to release the emotional hold that these incidents have over me. I believe that writing about trauma helps it to stop controlling me. As authormbeyer wrote about his own (more…)