I really need to move. I live with a bunch of addicts and their behavior is very similar to the narcissists of this world in that they’re super nice when they’re waiting for me to give them rent money but the second I give them the money then they are total bastards to me. It’s very unhealthy.
I have my own addiction, which is casino gambling, and being verbally abused by my family sets me off sometimes. I run right to the nearest slot machine for the rush of dopamine – so I get it how my roommates are after the next rush.
But I want peace.
Peace for me. Safety. A budget.
My brother didn’t pay the garbage bill again. It’s less than 50 bucks for 3 months and he couldn’t pay that, but he has beer in the house and cigarettes in the house and pot in the house. Now the garage is full of bags of garbage. Garbage for 4 adults.
So what happens to me? My car is overheating and my checking account got hacked. I feel like my life is a mess right now – and you know what gets me? Everything could be fixed with money. If I could just write a big fat check for the mechanic and a check for the garbage and a big fat check from my first months rent security deposit and down payment and a big fat check for new work clothes and a big fat check for charity…
I need to pull myself together and get out of this house, but I don’t know how. I think I need a second job. I think I need to deliver pizzas at night but I don’t want to. What I do know, is that money comes from work. It’s not going to fall out of the sky and hit me on the head. So if all my problems can be solved with money – which helps me move into a safer environment, then I have to get some money. Right?
I think I saw this in a movie: the suburban housewives rob a bank. Same shit different day. I would not rob a bank though. I just got robbed and it’s caused a lot of chaos in my life. I live in Illinois, but somebody in Pennsylvania made a copy of my debit card and bought a lot of baby clothes. At first I was sympathetic. I thought aww baby clothes maybe they needed them, maybe it was a woman. But then I got schooled. Apparently baby clothes are easy to move on the black market, easy to sell. So my bleeding heart sympathy was misplaced.
Anyhow now I don’t have direct deposit anymore, so I get my paycheck about five days later, and it’s throwing off my whole budget, and I owe everybody money because I had to borrow here and there to get by. This two minutes of my life is bad financially. But this too shall pass. Two more weeks and then I have a bank account again with a job and direct deposit and a Visa debit card– and I’ll be normal. But I’ll still overspend. How can I save money when my car needs a mechanic? Ugh.
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