most every day i think about blogging but get too tired at night. i wish i had an i-phone so i could just speak my posts. but really, it’s to play POKEMON GO! my phone gets so hot that i have to remove the case and set it down on a cold surface. waah. i only have 6 pokemon.
it’s been 5 weeks since i developed SHINGLES. they are still showing on my tummy. if i get over tired, they tingle – but they are not hurting me. BH. they won’t go away, but they don’t hurt. they’re just sitting there, threatening me with another break-out if i don’t take my anxiety meds.
about my ANXIETY MEDS, i have never, and i mean never taken them according to the instructions. i always waited to see how i felt, and then i took the pills sporadically. since the shingles outbreak, i have been taking my 2 medications (Xanax and Buspirone) morning and evening -every day- whether i felt that i needed them or not… and my MOOD IS BETTER. wow. who knew?
every person i ever met who took psyche meds for depression or bi-polar or really dangerous conditions like multiple personalities or schizophrenia, we all tried to deny that we needed meds and took them sporadically -which led to big problems and many divorces.
i am starting to think that going off my Xanax was probably a much bigger cause of me slitting my wrists than i realized at the time. i’m still thinking it through and deciding how i feel about being on psyche meds. however, for the moment, because i am actually taking them twice a day, every day, i feel better emotionally.
at work, my boss finally found out that i negotiated $4 more per hour for myself than any other full-time employee in the USA is getting from our employer who has over 120 retail locations. hey, award-winning sales. that’s what i was doing when they found me. i’ve been so worried for 4 months that i was making more money than my boss, but she said no. she said and i quote, “I also made a good negotiation.” i hope it’s true. i hope she won’t begin to resent me.
oh, the BIG NEWS. my 40 different blood tests came back and my sickness is most likely caused by VITAMIN D3 DEFICIENCY. that alone can cause tiredness, sadness, just general ass-dragging. the doc told me to take 1000 iu per day, but i looked it up on the internet and it should be 5000 iu per day. i started taking the softgels and i am feeling more peppy. it makes sense that i would have a vitamin D3 crash because i moved from sunny florida to a cave. my brother keeps all the blinds pulled and the curtains too because he is a sad recluse who smokes pot all day and night (when he’s not working). his depression literally made me ill. i have also started walking around the block for just 10 minutes or so, to get sunlight.
i also added 2 new health products to my diet: powdered greens which substitute for 10 servings of vegetables and a diet pill that attacks stress-caused belly fat. now i take a shotglass full of pills in the morning: 5 vit D, 2 psyche meds, 3 diet, 1 allergy. at least it’s not heart meds.
lastly, i am working on the BOOK. i am writing paragraphs down and i am recording sections, reworking, and improving. i have a GOAL to publish the audiobook by october. i can do this. i hit a snag when i went to the casino and lost $400, my entire paycheck. that was the yetzer hara trying to stop me from being successful but i will make more money and start saving again. i need a few hundred dollars for the recording studio time. i’m very excited about getting this done.
thanks for listening and being on this trip with me, whoever is out there (:
xooxo, Rivka Poorkitteh
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