I’ve been having trouble writing lately because I believe that Recovery is boring. Who wants to read about somebody who got dressed in the morning, made it to work on time, sold refrigerators, finished her shift, picked up fried chicken from a drive-thru restaurant, ate it in from of the television, and then went to bed? It’s boring, right?
Now stories about the narcissist, those are exciting! Both exciting to read and exciting to write. I can’t believe the crazy shit they do! But, unfortunately, their cruelties are real. Stories about narcissists get the blood flowing.
Then there’s Recovery.
The thing is, Recovery is not boring. It is a major victory every time I brush my teeth. Why? Because I feel overwhelmed. It’s too much for me and I am not able to take good care of myself right now. In fact, I have a cavity that is causing me pain, yet I ignore my teeth. – But I keep plugging along. I keep trying to live a full life.
Me not being able to write about my Recovery demonstrates Low Self-Esteem.
My inner child is saying:
Nobody cares what I have to say.
I’m not important.
Nobody likes me anyhow.
I should just shut-up.
The narcissist gave me some of his favorite books when he left me. I believed it was because he loved me, but really it was because his dufflebag was too heavy for the airplane. His books were too heavy for him to take. One of the books he bequeathed to me in an elaborate show of self-sacrifice (he made me take an oath) was: Kitzur Shulhan Arukh, Code of Jewish Law. There must be a hundred versions of this book, but his was by Rabbi Solomon Ganzfried, translated by Hyman E. Goldin. 1996.
On page 99, it says:
There is but one good way to take vengeance upon your enemy, it is to acquire good virtues and walk in the path of righteousness, and you will indirectly take vengeance upon your enemies, for they will be grieved because of your excellent qualities and good reputation.
He then continues:
If you will do contemptible deeds, then your enemies will rejoice over your disgrace and shame, and the true vengeance will be theirs.
There you have it. Ancient Jewish Wisdom says “Recovery is not boring.” It’s a fight to the death!
May our recoveries be complete and immediate, with all my love,
“Writer’s Block.” is copyright © 2015 by Poorkitteh. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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