Exactly 4 weeks ago, I quote <<upgraded>> from a part-time job in retail, where my primary responsibilities were a) hanging up clothes and b) cashiering
to a full-time <<career opportunity>> as the Lead Sales Manager at a scratch-and-dent appliance store (i.e. refrigerators, built-in dishwashers, washers and dryers, freezers, ovens, etcetera)
From my point of view, I was on my way…
Recovery from my nervous breakdown (I think it’s fair to call it that.), recovery from an unsuccessful but highly aggressive suicide attempt, recovery from the setback of dating and loving a narcissist – all that recovery was on its’ way, moving forward in an attempt to regain my life and livelihood – and liveliness (i.e. Joy)
Emotionally, I felt good.
Physically, I refilled my Xanax.
Spiritually, I felt blessed.
It’s all good, right?
Income… an opportunity, no, a reason to get dressed and leave the house every day… new coworkers who could become new friends… did I mention income?
In the 2nd week, 2 employees quit by walking out without giving any notice, the Police were at the store to arrest a 3rd employee for robbing us blind (he ran btw), and a 4th employee sliced open his finger with a broken boxcutter. In 1 week, we lost 4 employees… and the store was already 4 people short. Now we are trying to hire 8 new employees (for shit jobs that pay minimum wage for maximum work).
Now I am the Lead Sales Manager of myself, one good seller, and one part-timer – instead of the 9 sellers I am supposed to have on my team. In no way, shape or form can my sales team of 3 compete with the other district stores that have staff. We are so overstretched. It is insane!!!!!!!
Which is why I fear.
I worry and fear so much. I fear they will fire me because of the chaos. I fear they will fire me because sales get lost when customers leave when no-one is available to sell to them. I fear I won’t be able to excel in this environment. I fear my brother is going to feel let down by me if I fail. I fear, I fear, I fear.
And isn’t all that really about the narcissist?
About me being a People-Pleaser and taking on too many burdens?
About me seething with anger because my boundaries are being crossed… but I never told anyone out loud that I have a boundary?
About me wanting to avoid confrontation and becoming the Martyr instead?
—— I don’t know where all this chaos is going, but I do expect to rise, to rise like a Phoenix from the ashes.
“Recovery Takes a Detour.” is copyright © 2015 by Poorkitteh. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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