Recovery is Being Generous to Yourself.

Yesterday, I wrote that “There is no hypocrisy in recovery.” link As survivors of narcissistic abuse, we have all made pledges that quote “I won’t be fooled again” and “I will never ignore red flags again”, “I learned my lesson”, etcetera. But maybe you will fall off the self-esteem wagon. Maybe you will get lonely and pick up with the first person who offers you a kind word. After all, isn’t that how you got into trouble the last time? I don’t think this is hypocrisy, saying one thing but doing another. I think it’s just a stage in the recovery (more…)

There is No Hypocrisy in Recovery.

rimon A friend from work came to my home for dinner Friday night (Shabbat). She gave me twenty minutes notice but I was so happy to have a guest. I made a beautiful party table for the two of us, lit my two Shabbat candles, and started gathering salads. I opened a can of black olives and put them in a party dish. That was one salad. I opened a can of sliced beets and put them in a party dish. Two salads. I peeled a rimon (Indian Apple) and put the translucent red seeds in a party dish. Three salads. (more…)

It feels good to have a paycheck!

I don’t even know how much I got paid today, simply because I haven’t looked. Yet, I knew I had enough to go grocery shopping – and that feels awesome (: I joined the warehouse club where everything comes in 20-packs and I am slowly buying the items that everyone needs to run a household: toilet paper, kitty litter, microwave popcorn, coffee beans, etc. It’s not like shopping in Israel shuk but it still feels good to be independent. Shopping for Shabbes. Three liters of wine (: I have been joking about it with my coworkers all week, but I never in a (more…)

Journal. 20 Oct 2015.

The days I work are better than the days I don’t. When I have the whole day off, I just sit on the couch and watch movies for up to 12 hours at a time. I don’t know why, really. This is a new behavior for me. I’m concerned that it may have something to do with menopause and my hormones changing. Just a guess at this point. I do have 3 separate writing projects going on in my head. The first is Hayden’s letters. My goal to finish was August, but I got behind. I only have about 10 letters left (more…)

Racism, version 2015.

image from I would never have hired you if I knew you wouldn’t work Saturdays. I wonder if the average American knows just how many kinds of illegal it is to say such a thing to an employee or to a job candidate? Would it be clearer if the boss said “I would never have hired you if I knew you were black?” Here is the official hiring policy that my employer claims to stand behind: Equal Employment Opportunity The Company prohibits harassment and discrimination against associates and job applicants on the basis of race, color, religion, gender, gender identity, age, national origin, disability, (more…)

Writer’s Block.

I’ve been having trouble writing lately because I believe that Recovery is boring. Who wants to read about somebody who got dressed in the morning, made it to work on time, sold refrigerators, finished her shift, picked up fried chicken from a drive-thru restaurant, ate it in from of the television, and then went to bed? It’s boring, right? Now stories about the narcissist, those are exciting! Both exciting to read and exciting to write. I can’t believe the crazy shit they do! But, unfortunately, their cruelties are real. Stories about narcissists get the blood flowing. Then there’s Recovery. The thing is, (more…)

Red Flags that Your Lover is Abusive.

I am re-posting this image because it is a snapshot of my ex-marriage to my ex-abuser. Conversations went like this: ignore me yawn avoid eye contact interrupt mention some mistake I made 3 years ago deny talk thru me or shout over me be dismissive hijack the conversation Please share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)Click to share (more…)