Yesterday I realized that August 28th, 2015 was the 2nd anniversary of the day I left Israel to be with the narcissist. It has been two years since I left Israel. Wow, I can’t believe it. It’s been a terrible time for me, really crappy, but it feels like a rough month – not two years!
I remember everything so vividly. I was living in my rental apartment in Safed. I was on the top floor and my bedroom window looked out upon the moon. Every night, I used to lie in bed, window completely ajar, no screens, feel the breeze off the mountain, smell the freshness, and stare at the moon holding over the rooftops of my neighbors’ homes. It was such a simple pleasure.
Americans don’t have time for staring at the moon. Plus, the streetlights outshine her. Then there’s the noise of the cars whizzing by. We don’t have cars in Safed. It’s a smaller village on the top of the mountain. There’s plenty of buses, but they don’t run much at night. It was just the breeze, the moonlight, and me. Obviously I miss it very much.
I loved my apartment. The master bedroom had one wall of built-in cabinets. It reminded me of an Advent calendar that has 24 little doors, each one hiding a special treasure – which was usually one of my cats. I don’t know how they got up there into those high cabinets that I couldn’t reach even when I stood on a chair. I never caught them doing it, but they were always in there! , napping on my clothes and leaving cat hair on everything I wore. I liked that, but other people told me it meant I was sloppy. Okay, so I’m sloppy, then.
I thought the narcissist was in trouble. I really believed with all my heart that he needed my help. He had changed all of a sudden, become cruel with me. “I don’t know that cruel person.” I said to myself. I actually believed that he was possessed by a demon. Then he told me that the doctors had stated he had 2 years to live at the most before his heart would fail. I remember thinking, “Of course it’s his heart and not his kidneys or his stomach. His heart is frail and too weak for this world.”
OMG, did I idolize that man!
I thought he was so special, so unique. He was the embodiment of Spirit/Love/Holiness and SLH cannot endure in our difficult physical world.
So I left Israel and flew to Canada to save him.
Two years ago.
Occasionally I write about being psychic, but I deliver messages. I can’t see the future. Usually. Okay, sometimes I can. But not my future. I only receive messages to help other people and those people need some help. It’s not random. It’s a gift.
So, no, I had no clue that the narc was going to turn on me, was going to turn against me and try to hurt me. I believed he was a gentle, wounded soul who needed a hug from me.
I do have better boundaries, and more Tiferet (which is the ability to enforce a boundary but to do it lovingly with kindness), but I guestimate that I need 3 more years before I will be whole again. It’s just a guess.
And by the way, I do not feel grateful to the narcissist for what he did to me, even if I do become a superhuman empath who has strong boundaries.
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