This time, the dream lasted for several hours in real time. Again the villain was my step-father, with my mother by his side; although they never appeared in the dream. He was kicking me out of the house again and I had to sort my belongings into stuff that I could maybe save and stuff I had to abandon. This dream was all about my belongings. For hours and hours, I was sorting my possessions, revisiting old memories and my younger self, thinking about the places I had been and how I felt about things in my past. It was emotionally intense for me.
Then my sister came over with 2 of her friends, and we had a screaming match for at least 2 hours. I wanted her to admit that her father was cruel to me and she wanted me to admit that I deserved his criticism because I am a screw-up. (Now there’s real life intruding in a dream world, don’t ya think?) While we argued and screamed at each other, I was on my knees sorting a large box. Every item reminded me of a memory of when Dad was abusive to me and I tried to force her to see things my way by giving evidence of one bad story after another. Next, I led my sister and her friend to the woods behind our house where I had been sleeping in an old tent – only now there was 25 cms of snow on the ground. We were still arguing and screaming. I wanted her to see that Dad was going to let me sleep in the woods and it would probably kill me. She had no compassion about it. Then a black limousine car pulled up for her and they left.
Next, I was packing in a second house. I was in a friend’s kitchen, packing plates and glasses. They thought they were going to be able to let me stay there, but then they regretted that it wasn’t possible. I saved a few items, but I had to leave most of them behind. I felt loss and abandonment.
Next, I was back at my parents’ house in the sideyard to go through my belongings that were stored in the shed. Now it was summertime and the next door neighbors were barbequing in their yard and their kids were swimming in their pool and laughing. For reasons unknown, they were Philipinos. I sat on the green grass, opened the door to the shed, and started revisiting all of my memories again. The details of this dream were amazing. After I woke up, I was astounded by the thought that somewhere in my brain, are all the memories of everything that has ever happened to me in this life of 48 years. Consciously, I cannot remember it all. But in my dream, it was there. The amazing details of all the items that have ever been in my hands. I just can’t believe how much I was able to remember. An orange cuckoo clock I owned as a child. A favorite toy. A card I made. A doll I played with. An action figure. And so many papers, photographs, and letters. In the dream, I touched items from both my real life and various dream worlds of my past. Even my belongings from other dreams were there. And I knew which were which. For example, I looked at a passport from when I was a Funeral Director on the island nation of Jamaica. That didn’t happen in real life. Even during my dream, I realized that (which is possibly why I started to wake up). Lastly, I reached into the pile and withdrew a chess set that had large, white plaster pieces that were about 15 cm tall. I recognized them as being replicas of the statues of various saints and deities that can be found in the great churches and temples of Europe and South America. In the dream, I thought “I used to have faith in these different deities, but now I know that they are just plaster idols. There are no powers beside Hashem.” At first, I felt a little embarrassed by my past worship of these plaster statues, but then it passed because I only believed they had power because I didn’t know any better. When a person learns something that is Truth, then the past is… uh… the past. After I rejected the idols for a second time, I woke up.
Once I woke up, I was upset that I was still dreaming about homelessness, about wandering, about being put out by my family (even if I had nowhere to go), Devalue & Discard. I was evicted three times in that dream, damn it! Three! I was not happy when I woke up.
But I had a cup of coffee and processed the dream, and I feel more peaceful. Here’s what I think:
I always say that the most important element of any dream is the emotions that are attached to it. In this case, all of the emotions were negative, but also a dream (as in, not real). I don’t think I need to worry about homelessness anymore. It was just a dream.
“I’m still having dreams about Homelessness. #3” is copyright © 2015 by Poorkitteh. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
You must log in to post a comment.