Last post was crazy, off the deep end for me. I figured out that a large part of my bad mood and general physical complaints was from allergies. I ran out of my Zyrtec (allergy medicine) and I didn’t think it was a big deal. But my throat was burning, my eyes were watering, I felt grumpy and dizzy, and had spasmodic coughing; so I went to the 24-hour grocery store and bought allergy meds with my credit card. (I’m broke.) I hope it helps. I’ve been slightly more generous with the Xanax, too, now that I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for August 3rd. In my mind, I’ve been practicing the conversations I will be having with the GP doctor and with the psych med doctor. I do that. I practice conversations until they make sense to other people and flow smoothly. I’m anxious about talking about my emotional issues and suicidal thoughts. What if nothing happens? What if I put all my hopes into the medical community and they let me down like they let down David (the narcissist)? What if nobody helps me? Practicing the conversations helps me to speak clearly about my needs and expectations, but it also increases my anxiety. This is not a good time for me. – and I don’t understand why I am falling apart now – after all the bad stuff I worked through. I mean, it’s relatively easy for me now. I have a safe home, a crappy job that takes very little effort, a car, a cellphone, internet, clothes. I got it good now. I don’t know why my anxiety is skyrocketing.