I went on my first date in ages (post: First Date ), and it was far more enjoyable than I expected. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that I didn’t feel carried away by passion. I broke up with a decent human being because I didn’t feel “love at first sight”.
I have not decided if that makes me crazy or not.
First, let’s discuss the Jewish part of this dilemma and then the wounded spirit part.
The Jewish Part:
I believe in the kiddusha of the zivug. Translation: I believe that God-our-Creator creates a soul and then divides it into two human bodies. There is literally a person in this messed up world who will complete me, and when we unite (in holy marriage) it will heal this world via its’ spiritual unification and holy attributes that go beyond human understanding. I believe that my union with this person (man) will be:
I hope that it will also be fun!
Next, the Wounded Soul Part: Maybe I am completely insane?
Would my holy soul really recognize its’ better half after one date – or – is my inner child too mangled and distorted to be able to choose wisely?
Shortly after I met David, I revealed to him that my history was that if there were a crazy man within 5 miles of me, I would find that man and fall in love. The narcissist used this secret to seduce me. He pretended to need my help to get back on his feet and I ate it up. I relished being able to nurture him back to health as he pretended to be grateful for my specialness and generosity. We were perfect together.
As you all know, it was an act that did not end well for me.
The question for me is this: Is it reasonable to think that my soul would sing in the presence of my beloved?
Is this magical thinking or a wish for an absurd romantic fantasy to be real?
One soul divided into two bodies and holy marriage would make us both complete. I believe in the kiddusha of the zivug, so I broke up with the new guy after only one 2-hour date and a few phone conversations. Was I showing faith in love or rejecting reality?
“Faith In Love & Rejecting the New Guy.” is copyright © 2015 by Poorkitteh. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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