Okay, recovery –
I had a full night’s sleep and a cup of crappy American coffee, so now I am ready to tackle the subject of recovery from a new head space. I am trying to explain or define what I think “Recovery” will be for me.
First, I do want to get back part of the Rivka that I was pre-narcissist. Specifically, I want the funny and over-confident Rivka who is spontaneous and posted this selfie on Facebook:
the most awesome morning hair EVER. lol
I want to believe that Everything Is Awesome all the time – because I used to. Pre-narcissist, no melodrama or self-pity used up my time. No, I enjoyed everything. I even enjoyed the bad stuff, like poverty.
But mainly, recovery for me will be getting back on my path. Destiny, if you will. I would like to write that recovery will be the happily-ever-after where I get married to a nice man who loves me, and we have great sex for the rest of our lives – but that is not recovery. That is the jackpot of all possible outcomes, in my book. Recovery for me will be getting to a head space where I no longer feel broken. I want to feel confident again, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I spent my whole life living in a light fantasy world of kittens and shooting stars, and I think recovery means returning to that Rivka of NoFear – and then getting on with my life in a joyful manner.
Needless to say, I will keep working on this until I can talk about recovery in concrete examples of goals and achievements.