Last week, I posted a very brief paragraph about wishing to take revenge against the narcissist. I wrote that I wanted him to have city-wide humiliation and that everyone in Toronto would talk about how stupid he is. But it was a fantasy, a daydream.
In reality, I most certainly had the opportunity and the motive to take revenge.
My plan was to print up 500 bumper stickers that read:
David So-and-so murders women.
I would slap those stickers in every public restroom in Toronto. I chose this particular revenge because his last words to me were about how he was determined to find a wife and get married as quickly as he could. To me, it seemed like it could happen because he was such a good faker fraud charlatan liar. Therefore, I wanted every woman in Toronto to protect themselves from him and his evil, narcissist trickery.
I totally could have done it and I totally would have done it if I had chosen to take revenge… but I made a decision to stop myself.
I chose not to attack him.
After the narcissist lied and victimized me, I wanted justice. I wanted him to be punished for hurting me and for hurting many other women, as well. I wanted GOD to punish him and I wanted to watch.
A year has passed and I still feel this way. I want him to be stopped and I want him to be punished.
-But I am not gonna do it myself.
Why not? Why didn’t I spread the bumper stickers all over Toronto?
I chose not to take revenge for several reasons:
It would escalate. He would retaliate and then I would, too. Etcetera.
It would never end. I would never be satisfied and we would battle until one of us killed the other one.
The revenge would consume me. The anger would create more anger.
I wanted tranquility. I wanted Shalom.
I did not want to be the same kind of beast that he is.
Revenge would not heal my wounds.
It’s okay to feel anger, but it isn’t okay to destroy.
That’s what narcissists do and I am not a narcissist.
1) KARMA…. just wait… it’ll happen.
2) Humor…. rent this movie, it’s the best and FUNNIEST revenge story ever. Take you revenge feelings on a fun vacation for an hour and 20 minutes, while you massage every hateful muscle in you, as you watch. It’s called “War of the Roses”… Danny DeVIto and Bette Midler. Hysterical and unforgettable. Surprise ending… xok
not that it’s funny… it just massages your own anger revenge feelings inside of YOU…. and …you get to see it, in other words, acted out ..and .. to the extreme. so I’d say, fulfilling rather than funny. Although, it’s pretty darn funny too… xo
I LOVE THIS POST and it speaks volumes to me. I would imagine quite a few people who have been hurt emotionally have had a few revengeful thoughts cross their minds but thinking and acting on them are two entirely different things. I started heading in that direction after my relationship ended with my Narcissist by contacting every creditor he owed outstanding balances to for all his bills because after he left and before I had my locks changed he came back and stole my TV not to mention how much he used me financially during the time we were together. I justified my actions with “he deserves it” and he probably did.
Instead of focusing on the fact he was finally gone for which I was thankful for it was easier at the time to remain “angry” and play that “victim” role because for me it postponed the “inevitable”, doing what I knew I needed to do which was focus on the reasons why I was attracted to this person and then remained in the relationship for so long after the signs became evident there was something wrong with the picture. There was nothing I could about the damage he had done. God knows I didn’t want him to come back around and try to “repay” me for it. I’d rather take the loss than have to deal with him again. The best thing I could do is work towards making sure I learned as much as I could from the experience to try and avoid it ever happening again. I also did not want to continue wasting any more time on HIM. What good was it going to do to contact his former creditors? These were bills he had not paid for years. If they came to knock on his door personally it wasn’t like he was going to start paying them now. Narcissist are notorious for being negligent financially. That was one of the biggest reasons he was with me. I was an excellent supply source. He’s been gone now for almost 6 months and I’ve had more money now than I had the entire time we were together. Life is so much better!
I’m also glad to see you’ve reached a new place in your recovery as well
Thanks for the comment. I’m glad you are enjoying the fruits of your labors. It feels good to be able to help people who appreciate it and without giving away your own financial security.
You are right and taking a hard character stand. Abusers deserve wrath and compassion trumps all.
Two things:
1) KARMA…. just wait… it’ll happen.
2) Humor…. rent this movie, it’s the best and FUNNIEST revenge story ever. Take you revenge feelings on a fun vacation for an hour and 20 minutes, while you massage every hateful muscle in you, as you watch. It’s called “War of the Roses”… Danny DeVIto and Bette Midler. Hysterical and unforgettable. Surprise ending… xok
I never thought that movie was funny. Maybe I would feel differently today? Thanks for the suggestion.
not that it’s funny… it just massages your own anger revenge feelings inside of YOU…. and …you get to see it, in other words, acted out ..and .. to the extreme. so I’d say, fulfilling rather than funny. Although, it’s pretty darn funny too… xo
I agree that karma (justice) will get him in the end. But, you know, I’d like to see it for myself!
Shalom Xx
and shalom to you, Jane (:
I LOVE THIS POST and it speaks volumes to me. I would imagine quite a few people who have been hurt emotionally have had a few revengeful thoughts cross their minds but thinking and acting on them are two entirely different things. I started heading in that direction after my relationship ended with my Narcissist by contacting every creditor he owed outstanding balances to for all his bills because after he left and before I had my locks changed he came back and stole my TV not to mention how much he used me financially during the time we were together. I justified my actions with “he deserves it” and he probably did.
Instead of focusing on the fact he was finally gone for which I was thankful for it was easier at the time to remain “angry” and play that “victim” role because for me it postponed the “inevitable”, doing what I knew I needed to do which was focus on the reasons why I was attracted to this person and then remained in the relationship for so long after the signs became evident there was something wrong with the picture. There was nothing I could about the damage he had done. God knows I didn’t want him to come back around and try to “repay” me for it. I’d rather take the loss than have to deal with him again. The best thing I could do is work towards making sure I learned as much as I could from the experience to try and avoid it ever happening again. I also did not want to continue wasting any more time on HIM. What good was it going to do to contact his former creditors? These were bills he had not paid for years. If they came to knock on his door personally it wasn’t like he was going to start paying them now. Narcissist are notorious for being negligent financially. That was one of the biggest reasons he was with me. I was an excellent supply source. He’s been gone now for almost 6 months and I’ve had more money now than I had the entire time we were together. Life is so much better!
I’m also glad to see you’ve reached a new place in your recovery as well
Thanks for the comment. I’m glad you are enjoying the fruits of your labors. It feels good to be able to help people who appreciate it and without giving away your own financial security.