Last week, I posted a very brief paragraph about wishing to take revenge against the narcissist. I wrote that I wanted him to have city-wide humiliation and that everyone in Toronto would talk about how stupid he is. But it was a fantasy, a daydream.
In reality, I most certainly had the opportunity and the motive to take revenge.
My plan was to print up 500 bumper stickers that read:
David So-and-so murders women.
I would slap those stickers in every public restroom in Toronto. I chose this particular revenge because his last words to me were about how he was determined to find a wife and get married as quickly as he could. To me, it seemed like it could happen because he was such a good faker fraud charlatan liar. Therefore, I wanted every woman in Toronto to protect themselves from him and his evil, narcissist trickery.
I totally could have done it and I totally would have done it if I had chosen to take revenge… but I made a decision to stop myself.
I chose not to attack him.
After the narcissist lied and victimized me, I wanted justice. I wanted him to be punished for hurting me and for hurting many other women, as well. I wanted GOD to punish him and I wanted to watch.
A year has passed and I still feel this way. I want him to be stopped and I want him to be punished.
-But I am not gonna do it myself.
Why not? Why didn’t I spread the bumper stickers all over Toronto?
I chose not to take revenge for several reasons:
It would escalate. He would retaliate and then I would, too. Etcetera.
It would never end. I would never be satisfied and we would battle until one of us killed the other one.
The revenge would consume me. The anger would create more anger.
I wanted tranquility. I wanted Shalom.
I did not want to be the same kind of beast that he is.
Revenge would not heal my wounds.
It’s okay to feel anger, but it isn’t okay to destroy.
That’s what narcissists do and I am not a narcissist.