What is a weakness or struggle that you want to work on that you developed from child abuse, and how has it already improved compared to what it was?
This post discusses sex. Please do not read it if you are under age 18.
(Disclaimer: Nothing I wrote here reflects Torah values. Maybe I’ll explain why in a different post, maybe I won’t.)
Based on the intimate stories that a dozen other survivors have confided in me, I maintain that all survivors of child sexual abuse vacillate between two extremes. Either we are sexually promiscuous or we are sexually frigid (asexual). A person will swing like a pendulum, back and forth between these two extremes until they find their healthy center. Unfortunately, it takes a lifetime to do that and I see that most people die before they become healthy.
Because I am a lover of sex, I enjoy being touched, I enjoy orgasms, and I enjoy intimacy. I am what they call a serial monogamist, which is to say I stay with one lover for about 2 years and then I move on. I do have certain rules that I have developed for myself to prevent me from being a heroin addict in the sex trade like so many of my dear sisters are.
In the last 15 years, I have been with 5 guys and no women. I think it’s terrible because I am a young, virile person who deserves to be happily married to a sexy guy. I think that when I finally do meet someone, I am going to be so angry with myself for wasting 15 years on losers. On the other hand, I know a man who was coerced to have sexual intercourse at age 11 by a 16-yo girl, and he grew up to be someone who has had sex with over 1,000 women, which is disgusting, and he never married. Sex and intimacy, it’s all fucked up when you are a victim of child sexual abuse.
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