This past week, I have written about my new job and problems that I am having with my mother. Is this off-topic? The blog is about narcissism, grief, recovery, and Yiddishkeit.
I don’t think I have been off-topic at all. Re-entering the workplace is a major milestone of recovery from a stupid narcissist. Now that I have work, I have to sleep 8 hours a night; I have to go to a job 6 days a week; I have to drive a car; I have to commute; I have to talk to strangers; I have to plan meals; I have to brush my teeth! – I just have to take better care of myself in general and be a contributing member of society. I could not have done this six months ago.
As for the fights with my mother, I would not have had to move back in with mommy and daddy if not for the abuser and his abuse; but really, blogging about the fights is part of bringing the underlying structure to the light of day and to scrutiny. I am starting to make connections from how I do not know what healthy is to how I was an easy mark for the narcissist to lovebomb me. For example, recently I wrote about needing praise for a job well done and feeling emotionally distressed until I got it. Don’t you think the narcissist figured that one out within five minutes of meeting me? They study us, you know, us ordinary folks. My narcissist had me trained like a dog to fetch for him because I wanted praise. “Good girl, Rivka.”
The more I can see what really goes on in my head and in my heart, the more I can see right through the narcissist’s tactics. I am recovering (: