Here is proof that the narcissist refusing to allow me to collect my belongings from our former marital home is financial abuse:
Contents of a random box:
1. Photographic negatives (1993-1995), including my honeymoon in Amsterdam BD (before Driftwood, whom I married in 2000).
2. My best tarot deck (1999) from when I actually worked a psychic faire.
3. Louise Hayes bookset that my little sister gave me, “Heal Your Life”.
4. My favorite pirate costume, handmade for me by an extremely talented seamstress.
5. Assorted crystals, mainly citrine clusters to cleanse my tarot decks.
6. Seven volumes of “My Book House”, children’s storybooks from 1958.
Retail value: maybe 50₵ for the clothes and $10 for the books.
Value to me: Irreplaceable.
But that was a good box. Here’s a different box:
1. College photo ID (1987)
2. Art project (1992)
3. Love letters (1987-1989)
4. Photos and negatives, 1992 Chicago Gay Pride Parade
5. 12 inches of magazine clippings that went directly into the trash.
Retail value: not a damn penny.
This second box represents another form of narcissistic abuse: emotional abuse which results from the narcissist’s “All-or-Nothing” thinking. If I want even one paper that was in any box, then he insists that I remove the entire box. Otherwise, he gets offended because seeing the box reminds him that I took something from him. Hey, I just want my stuff that I came into the marriage with and stored in the basement of our marital home. I don’t see that as unreasonable. Firstly, because the stuff is worthless to anyone but me, and secondly, because it’s mine. Hello? He only wants to keep it to punish me.
Next topic. Why didn’t I hire professional movers to remove everything in one day and spare myself this torture? Answer: because the narcissist said I was a thief who stole all his money during our marriage. He agreed to grant me a divorce, but only if he got to keep the entire contents of the house. He said he would sell everything I left behind and try to recoup “his” money. A bizarre tale to say the least. Narcissists really are delusional and paranoid that “Everybody is out to get them!” Yep. Every time I paid our water bill, I was stealing his money. I was stealing from him when I used water and I was stealing from him when I paid the bill for said water. I was stealing from him if I bought new towels and I was stealing from him when I paid the bill for said towels. Ah, the happy memories of marriage. Did I mention we were both working full-time jobs until I went back to college? Logic, narcissists hate it! Or how about the belief that husband and wife are in it together for the long haul, partners who share their responsibilities and their assets. It always hurt my feelings that Driftwood felt he was in competition with me, his own wife. That part makes me sad even now.
So now that I can face him in person, he is allowing me to collect a few possessions from the house; but I can only retrieve what he says I can retrieve and I must take an entire box of garbage in order to get one treasure. By ‘garbage’, I mean stuff that I can let go of, like clothes that are out of style (by two decades) or seven years’ worth of old schoolwork. Mainly what I want are my negatives. For any given year, I shot 30 rolls of film. I have at least 40 cubic feet of photographic negatives – and I want them. Plus, if he really means to sell my stuff, my old negatives are mostly worthless pictures of my family. I swear that every single box I opened had packages of photographs in it. Every box times 200 boxes. Again, if I saw one package of film in the box, I had to take the entire box because it would remind him that I somehow won something over on him. The tension is very frustrating. Hence, I am on my fifth trip to the house, fifty miles each way, and my storage unit is full.
Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I think it’ll be good once I have all my precious family photos; but I have so much clutter now. I do not want the burden of storing the stuff when I don’t even have a home! He buried me. When he doesn’t give me an item, he’s punishing me; and when he does give me an item, he’s punishing me. I’m actually glad that the Chicago snows are coming soon to put a stop to everything. Nothing more can or will happen until the snows melt next April. I get a vacation until spring.
“Truckload of Narcissism.” is copyright © 2014 by Poorkitteh. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
You must log in to post a comment.