man·i·fes·to : a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer
I wrote it out fairly quickly, but:
1. I needed time to research and locate appropriate citations and links.
2. I got bored with being healthy.
Here’s what I wanted to post on my blog as the new mission statement.
From now on, I will be writing about Recovery, my recovery. I hope to cover such topics as: HSP’s (highly sensitive people), empathy, codependency, spirituality, healthy relationships, healthy families, positive thinking, affirmations, goals, optimism… Let’s roll the light into the shadow and banish it. Both light and shadow, evil and peace exist in our world. Narcissists are shadow; I choose peace.
Sounds healthy, right? Focus on myself, my progress, and my good mental health. Boring! It is so much more interesting to write about the narcissists of this world and how I would fix their problems. Besides, my unique and clever solutions demonstrate how brilliant I am, and I like that. It pleases me. If only I could be a narcissist and plow over other people, crushing their skulls beneath my red stilettos as I lift myself to absolute power!
Instead, I am a people-pleaser. Gotta make sure everybody is happy and friendly, even if I shoulder their burdens like some masochistic messiah wanna-be. Which reminds me… I have realized that I should definitely give the Codependents Anonymous group a real chance before I discount its’ usefulness. I got an email inviting me to attend meetings and I do see that this description is 100% me.
Women’s Meeting every Monday Night.
* Do you struggle with boundaries, troubled relationships, and people-pleasing behaviours?
* Do you feel compelled or obligated to help another person, at the cost of neglecting your own obligations or needs? Do you feel rejected or angry when an addict, mentally ill person or other troubled soul does not accept your help?
* Do you long for healthy relationships? Do you feel unable to say no and to detach from painful situations?
Codependents Anonymous is a Twelve Step recovery program that can help restore sanity and serenity where there has been emotional pain and trauma.
Re: blog – While I hope to follow so many other good women and start focusing on healing and good mental health, I cannot resist writing about the narcissists and the outrageous cruelties they enact on the rest of us. They are just too interesting to ignore. The excuses I am currently using so that I can keep writing about them instead of me are that I have many unfinished posts and that I am still grieving for David.
Re: David – I am not grieving David. It seems impossible that I could write that after I argued for so long that I would never get over him. The thing is, he is frozen. All narcissists are emotionally frozen at the age at which they were first traumatized; hence, narcissists are immature and unable to take part in healthy, adult relationships. For all intents and purposes, my David is 7 years old. That’s kinda gross, actually. I can see (by peeking at his online activities) that he is still unable to hold down a job or a woman. He moves from commitment to commitment with ease, discarding his previous “forever” for the next best thing. He has NPD. Nothing better can be expected of him, because he is incapable of loyalty. So, I don’t miss him so much because I remember the drama. He is in trouble all the time. Narcissists often move from one crisis to another. It’s a very draining lifestyle.
But I still love him – the unconditional love that means I wish we could be close.
Of course, now that I blog, I surely could not resist writing about everything we did together. I mean, I would have access to a narcissist’s brain. How could I not write about what I found in there? I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I shared his secrets. Marry my lack of boundaries to his insane paranoia, and we would be right back to trying to kill each other (or both of us trying to kill me, actually). It’s not a good mix.
Well, I think I have let my thoughts wander forth long enough. Probably, no-one is understanding me anymore! Suffice to say:
1. Manifesto coming.
2. Planning to give CoDA another try.
3. Releasing David to God’s care.
4. And I am losing weight.
It’s all good. Gamzu l’tovah.
“Pre-Manifesto Publicity Release.” is copyright © 2014 by 18mitzvot. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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