Driftwood phoned me two nights ago (because his attorney told him to) and we talked for 67 minutes. The result of contact with the narcissist was to spit me into depression. I decided to cope with my feelings of helplessness and doom by drinking beer and eating brownies until I fell asleep. I also took a few drugs: 10mg of Valium, a muscle relaxer, and a non-prescription sleep aid. Sadly, I woke up after only one hour and felt completely rested. That was not my plan.
I meant to numb my pain via completely unhealthy means. Obviously, it is unwise to mix drugs (of any kind) and alcohol. Even more dangerous for me is to overload my bloodstream with glucose. The glucose overload is what makes me feel numb and sleepy, not the alcohol.
I spent the next day playing possible court outcomes in my mind. If this happens, then this could happen. If he attacks me with false “evidence” of his made-up issue, then I can respond this way. It is not a question of torturing myself with “What Ifs”, speculating about the worst possible outcomes and then becoming panicky. No. It is a question of being prepared for court and appearing before a judge in less than 7 days. Said judge will decide if I am awarded anywhere from $16,000 to nothing, and I really need the money. I need to run through every potential argument, every potential counter-argument, and every potential outcome in order to better protect myself from the narcissist.
At which point, I realized that I am screwed.
Driftwood had previously told me that all my belongings (which are in our marital home) were safe and I could get them whenever it was convenient for me. There was no need for me to act this year. I recognized that this was a narcissist’s attempt to HOOVER, to keep me attached to him for further use in the future. If I had a paycheck coming in, I would have hired a moving company to get my belongings and place them in storage. But I am penniless. My assets are my belongings. For example, I have a Judith Ripka necklace that I bought at auction for $900. That’s just one item. My attorney advised me to pay $200 an hour for the attorney to go into the house, photograph everything that I was to take, and we would present an itemized list to the judge. This was impossible for 3 reasons. #1) Driftwood is a hoarder. I was so ashamed and embarrassed by the thought of letting my attorney (or anyone else) see how we lived. I didn’t want him in the house. #2) I don’t have the money to pay him to represent me properly. #3) I don’t think Driftwood would have complied. – In order to avoid having the attorney enter the house, I used DENIAL and chose to believe the narcissist when he assured me that I could get my belongings at a later date after I was settled. After all, why would Driftwood want my brother’s kindergarten classphoto or my bras and panties or my grandmother’s dresser?
Well, guess what? Now the narcissist wants it all. Everything.
Now that we are less than one week away from going before the judge, Driftwood told me that he has changed his mind and he is keeping the contents of the house. He says he wants everything because he is the victim in our marriage. If I want to leave, then I should leave naked and penniless.
If I object, the judge has to issue another continuance and then I have to borrow money that I have no way to repay in order to send the attorneys into the house with cameras.
At which point, I realized that Driftwood wants a continuance.
Driftwood is holding me here in America because he does NOT have to buy me out of our marital home if I leave the country. The law in Indiana is that I must appear in court or I get nothing. That is why he has already been granted three continuances. Our case was supposed to be settled in 61 days, but it has been over 300 days so far.
What are my choices?
The narcissist has already won. I have been waiting 10 months for my day in court, and now I have no ammo. I can’t pay the attorney fees to allow him to do what is required by law for me to have a chance to recover my assets and the judge will not award me a settlement value for the house if Driftwood asks for another continuance. I am going to leave court empty-handed again and still bound to the narcissist.
Honestly, I want to kill myself.
Recently I posted about receiving a dream message that I would leave the “detention center” empty-handed but free. My problem is fear. I don’t believe that I can ever get free of him. If I give him the house, if I give him my belongings; it will not matter. He will call me, “Rivka, I was going through some things and I found your grandmother’s
blank. I know how much it means to you and that you would like to have it back. Why don’t you meet me for dinner and we can discuss it?” Now imagine that conversation times 10,000. “Rivka, I found your missing Cartier bracelet, your high school yearbook, the love letters from your first boyfriend, the last birthday card you received from your grampa before he died… I’m willing to give them back to you because I am so special. However, I just can’t… because you left me. I need you to suffer for your sins to me.” I don’t have to wait for court to see that he won. He is never going to stop punishing me for leaving him. Today he uses the court system. Tomorrow it will be something else; but I can’t get away. If I ever did get free of Driftwood, I would be standing naked as a newborn babe – only I’d be 48 years old and without a pot to piss in. What is going to become of me?
“Whirlpool. Suing a Narcissist.” is copyright © 2014 by 18mitzvot. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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