I started calling my ex-husband-narcissist-tormentor by the nickname Driftwood fifteen years ago, before we even got married. My best friend at the time gave him that nickname because “He is as boring as a piece of Driftwood”.
Driftwood does this thing that his mommy refers to as “nattering”. She gave it a cutesy name as a way to cover up for his total disrespect of the needs of other people. After all, her son is perfect in every way. If he has faults, they must be cutesy faults. (Note: the parents of a narcissist contribute to the growth and development of the narcissism.)
“Driftwood natters” – means that he monopolizes conversations.
If he has something that he wants to say, he says it. It does not matter if other people were talking first. It does not matter if no-one else is interested. It does not matter if the audience is captive. He will plow over any competing conversation -by raising his voice- until he has total control of the floor.
What is really weird is that he does not stop talking even as people wander away, leave the room, and attempt to escape. Driftwood natters. He talks until he feels satisfied that he has complete control of the room.
You may wonder why I married this man.
Answer #1: The Idealization Phase. He wooed me. He was so romantic that he swept me off my feet.
Answer #2: I was extremely patient. I figured his nattering was some sort of Special Ed thing that he would grow out of once he learned that I would listen to his stories without being forced or coerced. (He didn’t, btw.)
Answer #3: I found much of his nattering to be interesting. He knew scads of facts about History (yellow), politics, and Geography (blue) that I didn’t know. [My Trivial Pursuit categories were: Entertainment (pink), Arts & Literature (brown), and Science & Nature (green).] He also knew Sports stats (orange), but I didn’t care about sports.
ooh! Here’s a fun fact. Driftwood has a special idiot-savant skill. Give him any date, e.g. March 3rd, 1789, and he can tell you it was a Tuesday. It’s not a particularly useful skill, but it is interesting.
In conclusion, narcissists have a need to monopolize conversations, to drown out other talkers, and to be in control of a group. Driftwood, however, was un-smooth. He couldn’t do it with panache or charisma, so he just shouted. Fool.
Driftwood, boring as a piece of wood.
“Driftwood’s Nickname.” is copyright © 2014 by 18mitzvot. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
fun artwork by Andrew Bell.
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