Despite all the strange and dramatic behaviors of my narcissistic boyfriend, I did not realize that something was seriously wrong with him until he did this to me:
I hurt his feelings and then I apologized. He responded that he needed some time to think it over and to decide if he could ever trust me again. (Drama Queen)
Narcissist: Come back in one year.
Me: A YEAR?! Are you out of your mind?
Narcissist: Don’t insult me. I have the right to protect myself from people who are abusive. I have the right to set personal boundaries.
Me: Yes, of course you do, dear, but a year?! WTF? Friends are supposed to disagree, yell about it, have a pillow fight, and get over it – all within the space of an hour. One hour, David, not one year. What is wrong with you?
Reasons the narcissist’s ultimatum was abusive:
1. He did not break up with me.
He wanted to keep me hanging for one whole year, waiting like a servant outside the chambers of his Master, my only desire being that The-King-Of-Everything-Worthwhile would summon me to his throne room and bless me with his presence.
2. He was not emotionally attached to me.
Friends feel pain and grief at being separated from each other. When friends have a disagreement, they cannot stop thinking about putting it right and thinking about their missing BFF until they can finally be reunited and forgive each other.
3. He was already cheating on me.
At the time, I didn’t know he was already having sexual intercourse with someone else. He told me that he wanted to go to a professional matchmaker to find his perfect wife. I thought that was a cruel and unloving thing to say to me, his intimate lover, so I scolded him sharply. My harsh words struck a nerve and that’s when he asked me to “Come back in one year.”
Did he really think that strategy would work?
Did he really think he could get away with it?
Did he really think he could he make an unreasonable demand and I would obey him?
The answer is yes – because the narcissist wins in every scenario.
1. If I agree to help him find his perfect wife, he gets to use me in Triagulation.
2. If I agree to wait for him, he gets to use me for back-up supply.
3. If I dump him, he gets to sing “poor me” to his new target (whom he is already having sex with).
4. And in all cases, the narcissist gets to feel like he is important and powerful because he believes that he is manipulating me like a puppet master.
For someone who has no emotional attachments, it is beneficial to test how far he can go.
For someone who doesn’t love, being completely unreasonable is an effective strategy.
“Narcissists Will Abuse You By Being Unreasonable.” is copyright © 2014 by Poorkitteh. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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