I have been blogging about grief for weeks because I don’t feel heard. I want David to understand how much he hurt me when he left me in Israel. I literally went crazy. I stopped sleeping. I spent every Shabbat sobbing. I think the only reason I avoided being institutionalized just then was because he left his dirty pajama top. Nothing could calm me except the smell of that shirt.
But I will never get the closure I need because David is a narcissist. He didn’t really love me and a very long time has passed. I’m happy to say that I’m almost back to normal now; but I still wish I could feel heard. And I wish I hadn’t made myself get rid of that shirt. It was the best Valium in the world.