Many of my readers may not know that I am a Licensed Funeral Director (aka. Mortician, undertaker, embalmer). In the United States, it is a criminal misdemeanor to represent yourself as an LFD if you are not and the liar can be fined up to $10,000 plus restitutions. I have personally either arranged or conducted the funeral services of over 1500 people. I know plenty about death and grief, yet this did neither prevent nor protect me from having Complicated Grief after the narcissist’s Discard. It can happen to anyone.
The Mayo Clinic website says this about Complicated Grief :
If it has been several months or more since your loss and your emotions remain so intense or debilitating that you have trouble going about your normal routine, talk to your health care provider. Specifically, you may benefit from professional help if you:
-Can focus on little else but your loved one’s death
-Have persistent pining or longing for the deceased person
-Have thoughts of guilt or self-blame
-Believe that you did something wrong or could have prevented the death
-Feel as if life isn’t worth living
-Have lost your sense of purpose in life
-Wish you had died along with your loved one
Complicated Grief is a serious, debilitating disorder that can lead to suicide. Severe grief should not be ignored or belittled. If a person is overwhelmed by grief, it is not helpful to tell them they are “being stupid and should get over it. The narcissist was a bad person so why do you care if they dumped you?” Several dear friends said these very things to me when I was in a dark place and needed help. It also multiplies our loss that the narcissist sees to it that we are isolated from friends and family before he leaves. It makes it much harder to cope.
Additionally, I had many symptoms of PTSD, such as going for days without sleep, irritability, outbursts, short-term memory impairment, exaggerated startle response, ringing and buzzing in my head, and so much more. One mustn’t leave Despair off the list, feeling like I had no future. But I was lucky in that my PTSD reaction was Acute and dissipated naturally after four or five months.
After a loss, it is normal to feel sad and lonely; but a narcissist has a need to crush the spirit of their victims. I want to share my favorite quote again.
10% of Psychopaths will kill you.
The other 90% will watch you kill yourself.
“Surviving the Predators Among Us: Recognizing the Psychopath”
by Junie Moon
So far, this has been a scary post. Feelings of loss, abandonment, trauma, outbursts, thoughts about suicide… This is serious stuff. Ask for help. Seek out a support network of other survivors. Listen.
But there is hope and light just beyond the horizon. I want to reassure survivors that you are not going crazy forever. It is only temporary. And the grief that keeps you bedridden and maybe causes you to lose your job, even that grief is temporary. The physical symptoms will also cease. My hair stopped falling out; I stopped sobbing; and I can sleep now. It has been a long time coming, but I am feeling happier with each passing day. And if I can do it, you can do it. It does get better. We do get better. One breath at a time. “Gray days, all of them gone. Nothing but blue skies from now on.”
Copyright © 2014 by Poorkitteh. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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