When I married Driftwood, I knew that his father was a pedophile.
Disclaimer: Please do not read if you are under age 18 or may be triggered by reading about child abuse.
Maybe younger people have delusions that marriage is going to be as if you and your spouse were alone on a deserted island and that once you close the door to your shared home, the world will not intrude. This is baloney. I knew that when I married Driftwood, I would have to spend uncomfortable hours at his family celebrations and he at mine. I was marrying myself to his dysfunctional family and he to mine. Tit for tat. An eye for an eye.
As far as his dad being a child molester/rapist, that was not a deal breaker for me because I have molester/rapists in my family, too. If I had rejected Driftwood because of his family, I would have to reject myself for mine!
However, I did find out every single detail about them so that I would know what evils I would be dealing with.
After that, you just hope for the best.
Let’s call his parents Bonnie and Clyde, my new in-laws. I planned to be courteous, friendly, and cheerful but not to get too close to people I viewed as dangerous. The problem was, I really liked Clyde. He was so interesting and we had so much in common. He brewed his own alcoholic ginger beer and I was the only one who thought it was delicious. He dressed up in period costumes for the harvest festivals and so did I. My husband and I borrowed all Clyde’s camping equipment because he was always happy to loan me stuff. He trusted me to take care of his things. He would help me with household chores because my husband didn’t. Clyde and I installed a new toilet and fixed leaks in my house. I enjoyed talking with him because he was educated and had many hobbies. I liked my father-in-law and I always showed him respect. I think I was an extra special daughter-in-law to a man who did not deserve it.
Here comes the very creepy part. To this day, Clyde is still dressing up as Santa Claus for the holiday celebrations in his community. Little children sit on his lap and tell him their secret wishes, while he gets a hard-on. For an entire month before the events, he gets girly with joy. I know he is in a public place with the children, but if everything were safe, why does he gets so excited about it? It makes my skin crawl.
It’s very disturbing to have a child molester in your family, to sit at the Thanksgiving table with a man who raped children and a wife who denies it. And yet, I really liked my father-in-law. He was fun and smart and different. I guess you could say he was a nerd among nerds (just like me). So there I was, carving a turkey and drinking a ginger beer with a pedophile.
Often, I feel that the police should round up the child molesters and contain them, but I have so many molesters in my own family. I can see that it’s not the solution. It is too bizarre that I have to sit at birthday parties with these people. My former therapist told me that it is a thousand steps from having a sick thought about sex with a child and actually doing it. The molester can change his plan at any time and decide that he will not hurt a child. He can stop before he chooses the child. He can stop before he starts to groom the child. He can stop after he has gained access to the child. He can stop. Consequently, I do not want to let child rapists off the hook. They are responsible for their actions, if not their random thoughts. They have a thousand steps to control and stop the abuse before they hurt a child.
I expect this will be a very unpopular post because it is a very uncomfortable topic, but many people have child molesters in their immediate family or their extended family and it is not allowed to cut their balls off. Maybe you even like the pedophile as I liked my father-in-law? I would have put saltpetre in his food if I had the authority to do that, but I didn’t. I did, however, warn his other daughter-in-law. I believe that it was my duty to warn anybody who might unknowingly bring a child near Clyde. I would not pretend that I didn’t know about him. That is the best answer I could come up with for coping with the situation. Show the man respect, but never drop my guard.
“Dinner With a Pedophile.” is copyright © 2014 by 18mitzvot. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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