I just started reading this self-help book. I consider it research connected to Narcissism.
1. Everything here is copied from the author, unless I specifically state that I am giving my opinion. This is a book report/analysis for educational purposes.
2. I chose the elements that I find to be pertinent and enlightening.
3. I chose to use the she/her pronoun instead of “theirs or his/hers”, etc.
Codependency For Dummies, chapter 1. 10Aug2014
“What is Codependency and Who is Codependent?”
The author, Darlene Lancer, is a marriage and family therapist, specializing in addiction and codependency. She has a Masters in Psychology and a history with Al-Anon. She states that codependency often occurs in relationships where at least one of the partners has an addiction: alcohol, eating, hoarding, shopping, working, sex, gambling, and others. The life of a codependent person revolves around someone else. Her loved ones preoccupy her thoughts, feelings, and conversations.
Critics of codependency argue that:
• It is natural to need and depend upon others.
• People only truly thrive when in an intimate relationship.
• There are health risks associated with isolation.
• Women are traditionally nurturers.
• Women are historically in non-dominant roles.
• 12-Step programs, in general, promote dependency on a group and a victim mentality.
Anxiety and depression can be symptoms of codependency.
Codeps have dysfunctional patterns of interacting.
Codeps complain of feeling lonely and unhappy even when they are in a relationship (and, therefore, not alone).
Codependency leads to self-sacrifice, control, resentment, and conflict in a relationship.
There are health risks from chronic stress.
Religion and culture influence codependency. (p. 11)
Codependency became a topic when clinicians “witnessed the self-destructive patterns of family members of alcoholics who tried to get the drinker sober and maintain order amidst chaos”. “Problems with Intimacy and communication arise due to confusion about personal boundaries and responsibilities to themselves and others.”
Facing the Problem: “Whether or not you identify as codependent, you can still benefit from alleviating any symptoms you recognize, enabling you to function better both in and out of relationships. Recovery helps you to be authentic, feel good about yourself, and have more honest, open, and intimate relationships.” (p. 15) Focus on the patterns and behaviors you want to change.
Dysfunctional parenting in childhood , such as:
…causes a codep to repress her true feelings and develop distorted beliefs about who she is, her needs, her rights, and her lovability.
Sometimes this is due to abuse and sometimes it is inferred from the behaviors of indifferent and emotionally-unavailable parents.
“Book Report: Codependency For Dummies, chapter 1.” is copyright © 2014 by 18mitzvot. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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