I’m thinking about going public with my blog. No. I’m preparing to go public. This would mean that my employers could read graphic journals of me talking about suicide and even see photographs of my scars. The hundreds of clergy/priests/rabbis who I worked with could read about my sexual obsessions and my romantic failures. I often come off as pretty crazy in my blog, if you read just one entry. (Hopefully I pull it together across a broader spectrum of blog posts.) That would be a difficult burden for me to bear – with my head held high, convinced of my innate self-worth.
And then there’s my family. Several of my better posts out certain members of my family as child molesters. I would have to make those posts password protected. I couldn’t leave them up for open, public viewing.
So why am I even considering going public?
1. I hate secrecy. Secrecy is what enabled me to be used by a sexual predator in the first place, and secrecy is what keeps my family members from healing their respective traumas.
2. I lack boundaries. I really don’t care about what society considers to be acceptable. I just want to be free from my own shackles. I crave free, open, and honest communication for my own needs.
3. I could reach an audience that is potentially ten or twenty times larger than my current readership. I could use social media tools like advertising and Facebook.
4. I could post photographs – of myself, of the narcissist, of my daily life.
I am not going to act on these urges just yet. I am VERY impulsive and should probably let ideas marinate before I act on them. Yet, I know myself. I seldom change my mind. If I am considering going public, it means I have already decided. I just need to recognize the right moment to act.