My last post was about my first time donating blood. It was a good experience. I donated with a specific purpose in mind. It was not painful. I got rewarded with a free movie ticket. And I felt good afterwards. It was all positive stuff. But I didn’t get a photo. I really wanted a picture of myself lying on the blood draw couch and drinking my orange juice. The reason I didn’t get a photo was because I was alone. My family dropped me off at the blood mobile and went to the grocery store. Then I had to wait twenty minutes in the hot, Florida sun for them come back for me. Yet again, I felt unloved and lonely. If I had been journaling my day for my personal diary like I used to, the entry would have ended with me feeling lonely. But because I edited for my WordPress blog, the entry ended with me being optimistic about the lives I may have saved. Blogging is forcing me to think like an optimist.
Before the narcissist, I used to be ridiculously optimistic. Some people said I was delusional in my optimism. Blogging is sincerely helping me to get back to the good parts of my former self… and the main reason is because the veil of secrecy has been lifted. My private diaries are now open and public. People are going to read them, and I don’t want to be remembered as “the sad lady who cried “poor me” all the time”. I like focusing on the optimistic parts of my experiences. I used to do that naturally. Okay, so now it takes me a little effort to do what I used to do easily. It’s alright. I’ll get there. Just keep on blogging, right?