The big news in my nuclear family this week is my little sister’s therapist told her that her ex-boyfriend is probably a Narcissist. She instantly felt relief at learning that this “Thing” that happened to her has a name and that name is Narcissistic Abuse. Her father (my step-father) was also excited about the unofficial diagnosis because he could now name the enemy. As for me, I have mixed feelings about it.
#1. I have been telling them every day since I realized what was going on that she should not be expected to get through this on her own. I wanted her institutionalized so she could get real help. I fought and fussed to be heard… but they ignored me. My mother even told me that I was jealous of my little sister and I should butt out. I can’t tell you how bad that made me feel, to be confronted head-on with such a lack of love from my own mommy. Awesome.
#2. My step-father proudly shared with me what he had learned about narcissism at Wikipedia, and I proceeded to give him a thorough schooling. I told him in brief about Love-bombing and Idealization – which explain how she got into this mess in the first place. I warned him about Hoovering – that the bad boyfriend would be back soon enough to cause more grief. As I talked, his eyes got wider and wider. He had no idea that I knew about Narcissism. It turned out to be a very sweet moment between us.
#3. How could I ignore the statistical implications of both my-ex being a narcissist and my little sister’s ex also being a narcissist? We are from the same family.
-maternal grandfather: the greatest human being in the world, as far as I am concerned. No-one ever loved me as much as he did (and does, from whatever heaven he is in). However, Grampa was an alcoholic. During the daytime, he was the sweetest man. But, by 6pm, he was a screaming, foul-mouthed, opinionated drunk. It was like he changed into a werewolf at sunset. And the next morning, he woke up as the sweet man again… and so it continued. My mother grew up in this verbally abusive environment.
-maternal grandmother: my Gramma Ruth was an angel. She never loved any man besides her husband; she never doubted him; she never swore or spoke an unkind word in her life; she adored all her children and grandchildren; she always had candy in her pockets. She was a good person… except… she never stood up for herself, either. No matter how much I harassed her, I could never get her to admit that anything was wrong with Grampa’s behavior. She loved him just as he was, no matter what.
-my mother: too complicated a story. survivor of domestic violence at the hands of a narcissistic who was exceptionally cruel and emotionless.
-and now both of her daughters have been burned by narcissists.
Statistically, psychiatrists report that NPS are between 1 to 4% of the general population in America. My immediate family’s experiences blow this statistic out of the water; therefore, we must have received some kind of conditioning to be susceptible to narcissists. I want to know what’s going on here. If anyone can figure this out, I can.
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