Signs of Narcissism – by Susan Heitler, Ph.D. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201210/are-you-narcissist-6-sure-signs-narcissism
Unwillingness to take responsibility for mistakes goes hand-in-hand with quickness to blame. This trait may come from confusing the part with the whole. “If I’ve done one thing that’s not right, then I must be all bad.” That’s also all-or-nothing thinking. Whatever the source of the sensitivity to criticism and difficulty admitting mistakes, the upshot is a tendency to blame others when anything has gone wrong. Blaming and fault-finding in others feel safer to narcissists than looking to discover, learn and grow from their own part in difficulties. While narcissists are quick to blame, they may be slow to appreciate. Appreciation and gratitude require listening.
“You made me mad. You didn’t listen to me. You criticized me. You’re trying to control me. Your view is wrong. So you need to apologize, not me. I’m not responsible either for my anger. If I’m mad, it’s because I’m frustrated by what you are doing. My anger is your fault. I’m only mad because you … ”
Some narcissists show major charm and social agility. At the same time, these seemingly super-confident folks also can be quick to anger. When they do become inflamed, they then immediately blame their anger on others. What are typical anger triggers for people with narcissistic tendencies? Critical comments will do it. As I said above, as much as narcissistic folks see themselves as special, they also can be remarkably thin-skinned. Any feedback that punctures their belief in total specialness can feel quite threatening. The immediate response will be to issue blame.
“When we discuss issues, my opinions are right. Yours are wrong or else of minimal importance. If you expect to have input, you are undermining me.”
Narcissistic listening focuses on how to dismiss, negate, ignore, minimize, denigrate or otherwise render irrelevant other people’s concerns.
“I know more, I know better, I’m more interesting, When we talk, it’s mostly about me. In conversations, I take up most of the air time. Almost all of my chatter is about what I have done, what I am thinking about. If you begin to talk about yourself, I link back to something in my life so that the focus of the discussion again turns onto me. Maybe that’s why people say I suck up all the air in a room.”
“I can criticize others, and often do, but if you criticize me you’re hurting my feelings so I’ll hurt you back. And if you say you are at all unhappy, that’s a way of indirectly criticizing me. Since “it’s all about me” your feelings must be about what I have been doing.” Narcissists paradoxically manifest both an inflated idea of their own importance and quickness to feel deflated by negative feedback.
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