One of the curious signs of the illness of Narcissism is what’s called Projection. It took me a while to understand Projection; therefore, I’m going to explain it for myself in small words.
Projection is where:
#1. The narcissist has faults and weaknesses.
#2. The narcissist is aware of their own faults and weaknesses and they feel badly about them. The narcissist feels inferior.
#3. The narcissist is unwilling to improve their own character because they find criticism unbearable.
#4. Therefore, the narcissist pretends that the romantic partner (the target) is the person with the character flaw.
For example, narcissists consistently cheat on their lovers. By contrast, you may have been 100% faithful. Therefore it would be ridiculous for the narcissist, the cheater, to call you a whore – and yet that is exactly what he will do. This is Projection.
In my relationship, my narcissist used to call me a liar during every discussion. I didn’t understand this because I never lied to him. In fact, I hardly ever lie to anyone. It find it too bothersome to have to remember who I told what, so I just don’t lie. People tell me that I have no tact because I am too truthful. Yet, he always believed I was lying to him. I used to get very confused when we were arguing because his accusations were bizarre. It was very upsetting because I wanted to be a loving partner. I wanted him to feel safe and happy. If we tried to discuss our problems, the things he would say just didn’t make any sense to me. It was a horrible feeling of having two separate conversations that never cooperated or united. I wish I had known about Projection because then I would have realized that he was revealing his own flaws to me.
I want to share with you a beautiful poem that my narcissist ex-boyfriend wrote for me. I think this poem is really brilliant. It is very good writing; but it is also an exquisite example of Projection.
Narcissists see the world in terms of supply and demand: what can people give to me, what can I take from this one, how far can I push that one? It’s power and control, and ultimately it’s all about them and their needs. My narcissist looked at me as a target; therefore, he assumed that I looked at him as a target. And he wrote a brilliant poem about it. Enjoy.
Watching you groom
Smooth down your fur
And purr lies to me
Licks its own orifice
And calls itself clean
Your offers ring false
Your gold gilded on
When you speak
Come pouring out
Your modest hat
Does not conceal
That follow me
A new ball of yarn
For you to play with
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