After my breakdown in November 2013, a friend asked me to make a list of the worst things the Narcissist did to hurt me. This is before his breakdown when he started threatening to actually kill me. I still don’t know if he checked himself into the psych ward to protect me or if the Toronto Police forcibly checked him in. The evidence seems to suggest that it was the Police, but I may never know for certain.
1. After I survived slitting my wrist by a True Miracle, he sent me vicious emails telling me exactly how I could kill myself better and succeed. He gave me directions to the highest bridge where the locals commit suicide by jumping into traffic. Mind you, I was 5 days out of the hospital.
2. He went on Facebook and bombed my friends with posts that were so disgusting about “my crusty, diseased cunt”, that no-one would even tell me what he actually wrote. They were too upset.
3. He reported to the Toronto Police that I raped him. The officer apologized for having to phone me and conceeded that the Narcissist was clearly insane.
4. He tried to get me deported so that his discard would be final. He was done using me, therefore I should leave the country.
5. He decided that he could be a SAINT if I were a sinner. So now he is holy, a man of G-d, and I am his abuser. And he actually believes it.
6. He cursed me that “my belly should burst and I should never have children”.
7. He hid the fact that he was having sex with other women.
8. He tried to get me to choose a new girlfriend for him.
And the worst thing he did to hurt me was… to be cold-hearted. There seems to be nothing that I can do or say to cause him to accept ANY responsibility for anything. This makes me crazy!
Prophetic words… “This makes me crazy!”
I meant to write, “This drives me crazy” or it frustrates me that I can’t get justice.
Boy, I am so relieved that I am no longer in the headspace that comes immediately after the Discard.
This is Textbook Narcissist Behavior 101:
#8. He tried to get me to choose a new girlfriend for him. (Triangulation)
#7. He hid the fact that he was having sex with other women. (Cheating and Lying)
#6. He cursed me (Devalue) or (I should feel worthless because he says I should.)
#5. Narcissist is a perpetual victim or Narcissist never takes responsibility.
#4. He tried to get me deported. (Discard)
#3. He reported to the Toronto Police that I raped him. (Outrageous lies to ruin reputations)
#2. He went on Facebook (Devalues current target while seeking sympathy from new targets)
#1. Narcissist shows his true Monster when his plan is thwarted. (Egomaniac)
I think girls should learn this stuff in high school Psychology class. Once you learn the machinations and devices that the narcissist uses, it becomes easy to translate their behaviors to human talk. True, there is the cloaking of the Idealization phase, the charisma, and the love bombing – but the sooner you get out, the less damage you will incur. (I hope.)
My favorite website (web community) for learning the language of Narcissism is www.psychopathfree.com I spent many an hour doing research there and it helped convince me to stop trying to get Justice. I can spot some Narcissists pretty well now. I did not enjoy learning this the hard way, but “better late than never”.
Truly, there is no shame in learning, whether it’s the easy way or the hard way.
May your healing be quick and perfect.
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