In 1987, I started dating this man who was very complex. On the one hand, he was a party-hard frat boy; but on the other hand, he was a sensitive man who wasn’t afraid to show his emotions. One time, he even cried tears in front of me. Yes, he had extreme mood swings – but I thought he was just an emotional guy. After three months of bizarre behavior, he confessed to me that he was a drug addict. He took opium every day, but also pain killers, crack, cocaine, and heroin – whatever he could get.
Apparently, it is not normal to have extreme mood swings; but since I knew nothing about drugs or drug culture, I never could have guessed that his bizarre behavior was caused by drug use. How would I have known that? I had never used drugs, seen other people on drugs, known anyone who used drugs, been around drugs, etc. I had no frame of reference. I didn’t know anything about drugs. In fact, if he had not told me himself that he was a hopeless drug addict, I may never have figured it out.
It was the same thing with the Narcissist. I didn’t know what Narcissism was. I never heard the term before. I knew our relationship was fucked up, but I did not know why. If he hadn’t told me himself, I may never have figured it out.
After David told me that his psychiatrist had diagnosed him with Narcissism, only then did I start researching and start to make sense of his bizarre behaviors. Only then could I see that he had patterns of behavior and there was an order to everything that happened to us.
One of the shocking facts about Narcissists is that they all follow the same pattern: Idealize, Devalue, & Discard. There is little uniqueness or creativity to their disorder. They are boring and predictable, but they think that they invented the sun. The main reason they are able to target and destroy is because the average person has no knowledge about Narcissists (or Psychopaths or Sociopaths). It’s like living near the ocean but being ignorant about sharks. Once the shark eats your leg off, you avoid the water and tell great tales about what you used to accomplish when you had two legs.