Being Selfish.

I know from personal experience that secrets I hold to myself will permeate my life and make me unhappy because they will continue to bubble up like the Laguna Tar Pits. Keeping secrets makes me feel disquieted and I hate that feeling. Therefore, I have to write about all the nasty parts of dating a narcissist, committing suicide, and recovering. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to rehash negative incidents. I don’t want to speak badly about my narcissist. I don’t want to revisit the dark places that cause one to take their own life. … BUT… if (more…)

Reblog: The size of now

I find this post to be very optimistic. Fear causes me to procrastinate, but plowing through that fear makes me feel better, relieved, successful, and brave. Please share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)Click to print (Opens in new window)Like (more…)

List of the Worst Things Narcissist did to Hurt Me. (Dec 2013)

After my breakdown in November 2013, a friend asked me to make a list of the worst things the Narcissist did to hurt me. This is before his breakdown when he started threatening to actually kill me. I still don’t know if he checked himself into the psych ward to protect me or if the Toronto Police forcibly checked him in. The evidence seems to suggest that it was the Police, but I may never know for certain. 1. After I survived slitting my wrist by a True Miracle, he sent me vicious emails telling me exactly how I could kill (more…)

What am I going to tell my Mother?

Disclaimer:  graphic image. Do not read this post if you are under 18 years old or you may be triggered by blood. . . 40 second Recap… Narcissist. Honeymoon. Discard. Cognitive dissonance. Devalue. More devalue. Still more devalue. More discard. Self-destruction. What? You’re not dead?! Narcissist goes insane. Target escapes. Homeless shelter. After 28 nights in the shelter, I called my mommy and she offered me temporary refuge. I am so excited about going to Florida and seeing my mother for the first time in years; but there is a problem… the scar. It doesn’t look fresh like this anymore; but (more…)

No Contact: “Resistance is futile.”

The point at which I clearly should have started No Contact was when the Narcissist started No Contact. After he decided that I no longer existed, then I no longer existed. Had I been much younger, perhaps I would have driven past his apartment a few times a day or ‘bumped into him’ in the grocery store; but I am 47 years old and I did not do these things. In fact, I even avoided his subway line completely. I used to fantasize hourly about meeting him on the subway, that the doors would open and there he would be. I (more…)
The human soul, from its lowest to its highest levels, is a unique and single entity, even though it is many-faceted. In its profoundest being, the soul of man is a part of the Divine and, in this respect, is a manifestation of God in the world. To be sure, the world as a whole may be viewed as a divine manifestation, but the world remains as something else than God, while the soul of man, in its depths, may be considered to be a part of God. Indeed, only man, by virtue of his divine soul, has the potential, and (more…)

Admin. 27May2014.

Dear Readers (friends), Excellent news… my mother is taking me in so that I can escape the homeless shelter. I have so many posts inside of me that are bursting to get out. I am returning to live with my step-father! Oh boy, this should be good for blog material… The reason I am blurting this out is because I have been given some fantastic feedback from ladies like thewondermya and brokenpicketfences; but I can’t respond right now because I only get a computer keyboard for one hour today at the public library. I appreciate your comments and I will get (more…)