I didn’t tell the whole story of the diner. I wrote the part of the day that was beautiful and I omitted the part that made me uncomfortable. sigh… Here’s the missing memory:
After David and I were seated in the restaurant and I had ordered coffee (which did not come right away), we looked at the menus to order. I was waiting for David to order because money was only a distant memory for both of us and I didn’t want to overspend. He had said he was buying me breakfast, so I wanted to order something that was the same price as what he would order for himself. Unfortunately, my David was too smart for that. I think he figured out what I was planning before I had even planned it, me being a coffee drinker and he being SO DAMN AHEAD OF ME. So when the waitress returned to take our orders, David asked me how I like my eggs and I said hard scrambled. He then ordered two egg breakfasts. I was happy. The breakfasts included fried potatoes, a pumpernickel bagel with butter, and more coffee. Then he ordered fish and chips. I was confused. “You ordered two breakfasts and a lunch, too. Why?” He said that I would see soon enough. When the food came out, he took the fish for himself and said that both egg breakfasts were for me. I did not have to worry about saving money. He would buy me TWO breakfasts, if that’s what he felt like doing. He was peacocking for me, showing me that he was in charge. I really didn’t understand and, therefore, I don’t think I gave him the reaction that he was hoping for. He was very happy with himself, and I think I was supposed to swoon, but instead I asked if I could really have both breakfasts. He said they were for me, so I ate them. End of story.
After the break-up, I started learning about Narcissism and its insidious pattern of: Idealize, Devalue, Discard. Buying me two breakfasts to show how he was impulsive, charming, and such a better boyfriend than anyone else is classic Narcissism Idealization. The reason that the extra breakfast made me confused was that I didn’t need to be Wined & Dined. We had been making love for days and I was totally in unconditional love with him. Why was he trying to impress me? I didn’t understand the play-acting aspect of a Narcissist. He wasn’t feeling the emotional connection that I was, so he tried to behave like he thought he should behave. I sensed that his behavior was hollow, but I coudn’t explain why I felt that way. After I had learned more about Narcissism, I saw how this was part of the set-up. That second breakfast was not very romantic after all. Bummer.
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