My zivug’s father, a dear friend, advises me not to use the real names of real people in my blog.
As usual, my automatic response is stubbornness.
#1. I am not publicizing this blog in any way. The only people who find it are other bloggers whose work I commented on. They click on me to see who liked their work.
#2. In six days, I begin my therapy sessions with a counsellor who is specifically trained to help women who survived abusive relationships. This is when the real dirt will come out, and I expect it all to be dirt about me. (eg. What is wrong with me that I let some guy erode my self-confidence like my ex-husband did?)
#3. What if the public dirt is all about me? Would I feel differently?
Well… when I speak to people about my zivug, I call him ‘David’. I guess I could start blogging about him as David. The thing is, he has two names: an English name and a Hebrew name. When I switch back and forth, it indicates to me a source of hidden conflict that needs to be looked at and dealt with.
After some time for reflection, I agreed that my friend is correct. My zivug is entitled to his privacy. It was very selfish of me to use his real name. I went back and changed his name in all the posts to ‘David’.
As for myself, I feel it adds authenticity and realism to a therapy blog when the blogger uses their own name. But what about my abusers? Do I have the right to ‘out’ my abusers on the internet?
My personal opinion vacillates. Sometimes I think people who rape children should be tagged so everyone else knows to walk on the other side of the street. Child rapists cannot be cured and one abuser can make fifty victims. If only a percentage of those victims become active abusers, the crime spreads in ever-increasing waves of victims until that whole society decides that raping children is the norm. On the other hand, a society that cares about human rights cannot ‘tag’ people. I guess I have to hide my identity until I figure this out. I’m sorry.